The World According to Tiff Sniff

Meandering ponderings and wonderings on the state of things.

Answers to your pressing questions

See? I'm not the only one....

...who sees the light. From Tom Cruise is Nuts:

We've had Persian-speaking readers inform us that, in the first place, contrary to the Cruiser's claim, their lanuguage is actually called "Farsi", and second, contrary to the Cruiser's claim, Suri does not mean "rose". It means "To blow a trumpet" or "talk foolishly or at random." Japanese-speaking readers have pointed out that "Suri" means "pickpocket" in Japanese. French-speaking readers have noticed that "Suri" sounds like "Souris", which means mouse in French. So all that is just super.

But the best explanation (or "crazy conspiracy theory" if you prefer) came from a reader who goes by the nom de guerre Darth Chef:

"Suri = S.U.R.I.Scientology's Ultimate Resurrection Incarnate.Some say the "I" is for "Idea" but now that it is for real, the "I" stands for Incarnate.Tom's baby is actually the spawn of L. Ron himself, not Thomas J. Mapother IV. The plot I am about to share with you has been in the works since L. Ron was alive (the first time around).Soon after Tom Cruise met Katie Holmes, he approached the highest figures in Scientology. He let them know that he found a perfect specimen to carry SEED. For those of you who don't know what SEED is, it is the sperm specimen retrieved from L. Ron Hubbard upon his deathbed. For years it had been kept in a classified location. Only OT Level 3 Scientologists who were viewed as qualified were considered candidates for implanting SEED. When Tom approached COS, they quickly obliged. They entrusted Tom Cruise with the role of implanting SEED into Katie Holmes. The fertilization was obviously successful...This could be the true reincarnation of L. Ron Hubbard. Let the ultimate battle between good and evil begin. "

Hat tip: Knucklehead, blogging at NIT.

"If vitamins and exercise alone explain why Tom Cruise is so, um, knowledgeable and well-grounded, pass the Prozac."- Chicago Tribune

I'm a label snob

I bought a new mattress set today!

The old ones (which were literally decades old, by the way) got tossed in the move, and I've been sleeping on the floor or sofa every night while I've looked for new ones. The other day, I went to a local mattress store and began testing them out. When I got to this one, all my vertebrae lined up and my entire body just relaxed. I started to worry that it would revolt against me and just not get back up again.

Anyway, after a few days of tweaking my finances just so, I went and paid for them today. (You should know that I got a SIGNIFICANT discount off of the price on this website.) They won't be delivered until next week, so I have a few more nights on the floor, but it's so going to be worth it.

And, they're Vera Wang. How cool is that?

But the best part is: they're sparkly. You can kind of tell on the website, but the embroidery is done in glitter thread. I know how jealous you must be.

Update: Malia pointed out in the comments that this is listed as a bridal mattress on the website. No, I'm not trying to tell you anything. It's just a really, really comfortable set.

Xenu bless us, everyone!

So by now, I'm sure you've heard of the joyous news of the birth of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' daughter, Suri. What perhaps you haven't realized yet, and what I'm here to explain to you, is that this birth is bigger than a mega-celebrity and the media.

My theory, and I stand by it, is that this is the immaculately-conceived messiah of the Scientologists. I mean, think about it. Here's this huge star, the world's best-known Scientologist, who takes a woman for himself. A virgin, who has repeatedly stated that she wouldn't give it up until she had a (marriage) license to do so. All of a sudden she's pregnant? Clearly this child was given her by the god Xenu.

Exhibit two: the impossibly-long pregnancy. If she was, in fact, pregnant (and this whole thing wasn't just a stunt to prove the virility of Mr. Cruise by hiding another adoption with a big fake tummy), then it lasted a heck of a long time. I mean, it was October when she started showing - and showing big. That's six months ago. A normal human gestational period is 40 weeks, or about 9 months. That means she would have been no more than 3 months pregnant at the time. Most women aren't showing much at all at that point, at least not more than a little all-over weight gain. Yet Katie had a midsection already requiring maternity clothes and attracting paparazzi snapshots.

It makes sense that an extra-terrestrial child would require a different, possibly longer, time in the womb.

The third fact that leads me to conclude that this birth is quite important is the birth of Brooke Shields' child on the exact same day. Follow me here. Tom and Brooke last year had a very public feud in the media over the merits of psychology vs. Scientology. If Tom and Katie's girl is the Science-christ, then clearly, Brooke's child is the anti-Science-christ. Right?

Every time I read an article about these people, another piece of the puzzle falls into place. Now that you know, you'll see the signs everywhere, as well. Clearly we are living in important times. The aliens are coming back for us all soon.

Merry Sciencemas to you all!


I recently set up a Johari window, and thought I'd share. (awwww.)


(known to self and others)

caring, independent, intelligent, logical, mature, silly

Blind Spot

(known only to others)

able, accepting, adaptable, bold, cheerful, confident, dependable, extroverted, friendly, giving, happy, helpful, kind, knowledgeable, loving, observant, organised, reflective, religious, searching, sensible, sentimental, sympathetic, trustworthy, warm, witty


(known only to self)


(known to nobody)

brave, calm, clever, complex, dignified, energetic, idealistic, ingenious, introverted, modest, nervous, patient, powerful, proud, quiet, relaxed, responsive, self-assertive, self-conscious, shy, spontaneous, tense, wise

Dominant Traits

53% of people think that TiffSniff is dependable
60% of people agree that TiffSniff is intelligent

All Percentages

able (13%) accepting (13%) adaptable (6%) bold (20%) brave (0%) calm (0%) caring (20%) cheerful (20%) clever (0%) complex (0%) confident (20%) dependable (53%) dignified (0%) energetic (0%) extroverted (13%) friendly (40%) giving (20%) happy (6%) helpful (6%) idealistic (0%) independent (13%) ingenious (0%) intelligent (60%) introverted (0%) kind (13%) knowledgeable (13%) logical (6%) loving (13%) mature (6%) modest (0%) nervous (0%) observant (13%) organised (13%) patient (0%) powerful (0%) proud (0%) quiet (0%) reflective (6%) relaxed (0%) religious (26%) responsive (0%) searching (6%) self-assertive (0%) self-conscious (0%) sensible (6%) sentimental (20%) shy (0%) silly (33%) spontaneous (0%) sympathetic (6%) tense (0%) trustworthy (20%) warm (26%) wise (0%) witty (20%)

Created by the Interactive Johari Window on 13.4.2006, using data from 15 respondents.
You can make your own Johari Window.

Basically, it's a chance to see how well you know yourself - what traits do you see in yourself vs. what others see in you. I know Michael did one a while back, too.

The "Arena" contains traits that you see in yourself that others see as well. "Blind Spot" are characteristics that others see in you more than you do. "Unknown" characteristics are ones that no one (yourself or others) names as dominant in your personality, and "Facade" are the traits you think you have that no one else sees - either you hide them, or you're just imagining them.

There's just one person who did mine that I'm not sure I know. Other than that, it was a very reassuring exercise, and a good way to put off actual work a few more minutes.

Excuse me, but your Southern is showing

For the last couple of weeks, every time I've tried to type "window", I've typed "winder" instead. I'm worried about what this means about the state of my inner monologue.

Twisters and Gas Leaks and Shopping - Oh My!

1. The storms Friday were nasty. I'm sure you've seen the news coverage. I have nothing to add other than that I and everyone I know came through it okay.

2. This morning, as I was getting my things together to walk out the door, my coworker Bridget called me. Turns out there was a major gas leak at the Shell station across the street from our office, and the fire marshall told us we had to clear the building for the foreseeable future. So we all got an unexpected day off. Now, tomorrow will be hellish as we try to catch up, but it was worth it - a gorgeous day outside, perfect for a day of vacation.

3. Michelle and I move this weekend. My apartment is approximately 25% packed up. Not sure when the rest of it will be done. (No, I didn't do much today. For one thing, the day off was a gift, and I didn't want to miss enjoying it. Secondly, I was out of boxes, and didn't want to get out and chase them down.)

4. I went shopping tonight, because I had a coupon for NY&Co. That store is ridiculously fabulous (or fabulously ridiculous; I'm not sure). For me, anyway. I found some cute earrings, and when I got them home, realized they match this really cute necklace I got on the Venice Boardwalk three years ago right before I moved back here from LA. I've only worn it a couple of times, because I haven't had earrings to match it. It's perfect for summer, so I'm stoked!

5. The Harding reception the other night: sadly, it turned out to be more of a recruiting event than anything else. I didn't know anyone, and we didn't stay too long. Two observations, though. First, our president gets mocked a lot. You think he really can't be that absurd. But, he really is. Second, Jim Bill McInteer is an amazing man. Whatever resentment and vitriol I carried into that place was dissipated by his comments. That's a true Christian; men like him take the wind out of my sails when I want to rail on my alma mater.

6. The Chronicles of Narnia is one of the most powerful Christian films ever made. We were watching it the other night, and I wondered what non-Christians get out of it. I think it must seem like a very odd, illogical children's tale if you don't know what the underlying story is. I don't think I would like it at all if I didn't believe: if I didn't know the story of Christ, I think it would just seem weird and disjointed. If I did know, but didn't believe, I think I would feel preached at. I know I don't have many non-Christians in my readers, but I'd love to know what you think, if you saw it - warts and all. Does Narnia appeal to you? Why or why not?

Maybe there really is an Oz....

If you're not in Nashville, and therefore not huddled in your basement or other small, interior, windowless room (as I should be), take a moment to pray for this area. We're on the front end of a major storm system and two people have been killed already. This could be the worst storm for us in a decade.


Alma Mater, Hail

Tonight I'm off to a reception for alumni of my undergraduate university. At Lexus of Cool Springs, so it's clearly going to be a classy do. The president should be there (and maybe his assistant, if I'm so lucky). It's obvious that this is nothing more than an attempt to guilt us all into contributing some dough.

I hope that no one is too offended that I, a woman, will be in a pantsuit, but if I'd worn a skirt, my tattoo would have been visible - clear and convincing proof of my eternal destination.

It's no secret to my few loyal readers that, while I had a fabulous experience in college, and love so many people there dearly, I have issues with the way certain things have been handled by the administration. (Come to think of it, I owe you all a response post to our beloved leader's "Statement of Core Values" that came out a few months ago. I bet I'll be fired up enough by the time I get home tonight to write it.) So I probably won't feel the need to actively ruffle feathers, but it will be interesting to consciously walk into a circumstance populated primarily by people who support and believe in the facets of the school to which I strongly object. If I can keep from laughing in a certain person's face (if he even deigns to speak with a heathen such as myself), I'll consider the night a well-mannered success. If I get into any discussions regarding politics, religion in politics, the role of women in the church, the unity of believers, or the social responsibility (or absence thereof) of government, they may revoke my diploma. But it's a chance I'm ready to take.

Until I return.....

My weekend



Sunset VII

Mountain Cabin II

My Lizard

Clouds I


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