The World According to Tiff Sniff

Meandering ponderings and wonderings on the state of things.

Xenu bless us, everyone!

So by now, I'm sure you've heard of the joyous news of the birth of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' daughter, Suri. What perhaps you haven't realized yet, and what I'm here to explain to you, is that this birth is bigger than a mega-celebrity and the media.

My theory, and I stand by it, is that this is the immaculately-conceived messiah of the Scientologists. I mean, think about it. Here's this huge star, the world's best-known Scientologist, who takes a woman for himself. A virgin, who has repeatedly stated that she wouldn't give it up until she had a (marriage) license to do so. All of a sudden she's pregnant? Clearly this child was given her by the god Xenu.

Exhibit two: the impossibly-long pregnancy. If she was, in fact, pregnant (and this whole thing wasn't just a stunt to prove the virility of Mr. Cruise by hiding another adoption with a big fake tummy), then it lasted a heck of a long time. I mean, it was October when she started showing - and showing big. That's six months ago. A normal human gestational period is 40 weeks, or about 9 months. That means she would have been no more than 3 months pregnant at the time. Most women aren't showing much at all at that point, at least not more than a little all-over weight gain. Yet Katie had a midsection already requiring maternity clothes and attracting paparazzi snapshots.

It makes sense that an extra-terrestrial child would require a different, possibly longer, time in the womb.

The third fact that leads me to conclude that this birth is quite important is the birth of Brooke Shields' child on the exact same day. Follow me here. Tom and Brooke last year had a very public feud in the media over the merits of psychology vs. Scientology. If Tom and Katie's girl is the Science-christ, then clearly, Brooke's child is the anti-Science-christ. Right?

Every time I read an article about these people, another piece of the puzzle falls into place. Now that you know, you'll see the signs everywhere, as well. Clearly we are living in important times. The aliens are coming back for us all soon.

Merry Sciencemas to you all!

3 Responses to “Xenu bless us, everyone!”

  1. # Blogger Eco

    Excellent research (it's like you're a bonafide lawyer or something). I whole-heartedly agree and I will be buying my hazmat suit soon enough. Maybe Tom's appearance in the blockbuster (ha!) War of the World's was really a documentary of sorts, at least his way of warning us non-science types of our impending doom. Thanks Tom!
    And thank you Tiffany for the laugh. Now I'm off to pop some anti-depressant pills.  

  2. # Blogger Malia

    LOL! Love it, Tiff, love it!

    And I'll add to your long gestation theory. They've been saying, "any day now" for a month!!!  

  3. # Blogger fabricsnob

    I'm so glad you posted The Theory. It was a good one created under the influence of Ming's, jet lag, stress, TLATH, and ANGIE! I'm so proud to say I was there. -Panthea  

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