The World According to Tiff Sniff

Meandering ponderings and wonderings on the state of things.


Friends, I am asking for your prayers for me this week. The last few days, a lot of the ugly voices have resurfaced in my head. Voices that have been silent for a long, long time.

And all of a sudden, I'm 9 years old again, helping my teacher grade papers during recess because I know if I go outside, none of the kids will play with me.

The voices are telling me about all of the "proof" in my life showing that I'm not that cool/wanted/missed - the 4th-grade recesses, the life-long lack of attention from the opposite sex, the fact that I was unemployed for three years, despite having a presumably valuable degree and great resume and interview skills.

Lately there have been several happenings that have seemed to reinforce all of this, that have followed this same pattern of being left out, overlooked, forgotten, or just plain unwanted.

And so I'm not sleeping well, so I'm exhausted, and I'm doubting every aspect of my life - my job, my church, my social circle, everything.

I'm not asking for pity or, heaven forbid, advice, but just your thoughts and prayers. I know at one level that this isn't real, but I'm having a hard time believing that right now.

I want to fight this in a healthy way. It's tempting for me to just disappear into work, into surface relationships with people I don't know, into books and movies and TV, into food. I don't want to end up more hurting and lonely for walking away from this rather than fighting it, but right now, I know I don't have the strength.

Sorry for the dump today, but I am flooded and overwhelmed right now, and needed to get some of this out. And I know that there are people reading this who care, and who will stop and offer me up to the Lord. Thanks for that. It helps to know that.

12 Responses to “”

  1. # Anonymous Chris Slack

    The only thing you can truly control in life is what you think!

    Sending you my best and my Tony Robbins books~
    Chris  

  2. # Blogger CHEZ BEZ

    I go through it, too. My best to you. Although it seems that time rarely permits it, a good run always boosts me a bit.  

  3. # Blogger Ginger

    You're in my thoughts & prayers...
    I can SO relate. The following always helps me through: II Tim. 1:7  

  4. # Blogger saraclark

    I'm thinking you need some Bunko in your life!

    Write it down, get it out, let it go!  

  5. # Blogger Malibu Librarian

    Will do on all accounts. We love you, the Wisebals  

  6. # Blogger Eco

    Oh how I've been/am still there! Praying for you and can't wait to see you this weekend!  

  7. # Blogger Malia

    You got it!  

  8. # Blogger fabricsnob

    I love you, sweet girl.

    Of course there is more, but it's not for the blog.

    You have been on my heart recently.  

  9. # Blogger Jennifer Thompson

    I'm late commenting, but that's only because I'm all techy and use Google Reader. I think this has been a common theme lately. You're in my prayers.  

  10. # Blogger John H

    Early in the 1990s, I kept feeling like what you described and then realized (after 5 stupid years) that I was feeling like that at pretty much the exact time every year..when the days get shorter, and i'd be in or near that 'stew' until march or so...I dunno if you are in the S.A.D. deal, and I'm sure i'm not telling you anything you don't know already, but I can tell you that I (and many others) understand. Despite what the 'tapes' are telling you, you are OK. Anything outside yourself that tells you otherwise is evil.

    You certainly have my prayers. In my case encouraging books just didn't cut it. I trusted that it would be over and that the days would really get longer and someday i would know that i really wasn't/am not the stupidest most useless person in Nashville.

    I'm going through some of that right now, and I can tell you it ain't no party, disco or picnic. But, use your friends, separate the signal from the noise, eat apple fritters and listen to some bitchin' music.

    peace.  

  11. # Blogger amanda

    i don't like to see friends hurting. you're in my thoughts....

    vick  

  12. # Blogger Michael

    Tiff,

    I saw this a few days ago and I thought I'd commented then, but apparently I did something wrong. Gee, big shock...

    Anyway, just wanted to let you know you are being prayed for and I will continue to pray for you.

    And to let you know I emphasize with what you're feeling. I've been in a simliar situation and I know exactly what you're saying. And I will pray for you and if I can do anything else, let me know.

    Big Orange Michael  

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