The World According to Tiff Sniff

Meandering ponderings and wonderings on the state of things.

I'm baaaack

It's been a while since I've been here. A week, almost. Most of that time I was in Chicago. Yesterday I was here, but in court all day, and didn't feel like trekking over to mom and dad's to use the computer (my keyboard isn't working - a common problem with Dell laptops. New one is on the way).

Anyway, we had an amazing time! More on that later, when I get some pictures back.

I had an interesting experience in the car on the way back, though. (Yes, we drove the whole way, and it was the first time I'd taken a road trip with both my parents in a long time.) My parents started talking about what would have happened if they hadn't opened the Donut Den, or at least if they had sold it. Both of them were teachers once upon a time, and running the store guided them into different paths. My dad, after teaching for a while, went back to run the store full-time. My mom, discovering that she enjoyed the bookkeeping, went back to school and is now a CPA. The Den is a challenge, to say the least. The last few years, we've seen sales go down, but we're having to spend more to run the business. So money is a huge concern.

They eventually started imagining what our family financial situation would have been if they had both stayed teaching, and decided we'd be a lot more stable today.

Well, that just froze me up. Here I am, on the verge of a new career, trying to decide what path to take, and I'm scared to death all of a sudden. This process has been scary enough, but in an exciting, bring-it-on kind of way. Now I'm paralyzed, afraid of ending up in 30 years regretting the path I chose. The rational side of my head tells me not to worry, God has it in control, etc., but my heart is really shocked. Will I regret later the decisions I'm making now? Is there another path? Will I one day think that financial security would be worth sacrificing some degree of enjoyment or adventure in my job?

Yesterday, as I sat in the courtroom watching a GAL case, I felt it even more deeply that this is a good fit for me. I hope I can hang onto that confidence as things are hard, when money is tight, when I'm discouraged. I pray I can trust God's plan (something I've never been good at).

And, if nothing else, I'm tucking away a key parenting tip: don't discuss the way you wish your life had turned out with a child who is scared of the future as it is.

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